I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
