I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
