i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
