I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
