I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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