You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
