it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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