he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
