I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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