hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
