you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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