Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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