you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
