As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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