If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
