I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
