I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
