went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
