No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So much rum. So many feels.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
