I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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