Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize