According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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