Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
