You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
