Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
