actually, I'm a sock model
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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