After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
