oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im part way to drunk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
