No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
