she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
