Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
