i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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