I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize