You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
