We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
