He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
