Your face is a jimmy john
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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