the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize