I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
