So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
