At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize