I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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