i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
