halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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