No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
