Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
