If that was your dad, he is hot
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
