Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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