Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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