i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
