I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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