Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm like, not good at living.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
