We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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