We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize