My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
