we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
