a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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