so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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