sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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