she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Everclear isn't food dammit
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