we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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