and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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