Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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