in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
