His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
