I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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