All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
