Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
