don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
whose parrot is this?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
