I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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